Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

I first stumbled upon this movie after I watched Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and wondered if there were any other movies about  vampire hunters. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter was the only other. It was placed on the Netflix list for the right time to watch it and this Easter I didn’t want one of those traditional Bible movies that I’ve seen like a billion times so it made it’s way to the top. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a cult-movie from 2001 it can be considered a B movie. I am sure everyone has not seen this movie so spoilers below.

The film itself is a mix of a bunch of genres (kung-fu,  musical, horror, comedy) but mostly it is a comedy. The movie is about Jesus coming again to fight vampires who have a thing for killing lesbians (as no one will miss them). Father Eustace’s congregation is growing smaller week by week so he calls upon the one person he is sure to help him out, Jesus. When we meet Jesus he is baptizing in the river looking like a traditional Jesus, long flowing hair and beard wearing robes. First off Jesus gets a shave and a haircut,  some ear piercings and a tattoo? and there is a big production number (for some reason). Jesus decides to get some wood to make stakes to kill the vampires with and on his way back he runs into a swarm of athiests (about 20 of them piled into like a Ford Bronco) this is a wonderful fight scene as there are like 4 group fights and each one is more absurd than the last.

After this Jesus meets up with Mary Magnum, who wear a red jumpsuit, who suggest to Jesus that it would be best for him to get into some sensible clothes so they go to a used clothing store and while they are there Mary and Jesus learn about the vampires as the owner of the store is friends with them for some reason. So Jesus and Mary  head to the hospital sneaking through the air ducts to above the morgue where they learn a bit about the vampires, this inevitably leads to a fight where Mary is bitten and becomes a vampire as well. Jesus then talks to a bowl of cherries (God talking through the bowl of cherries) and gains the help of the Luche Libre El Santo (not the real one) to help in ridding the world of the vampire threat. Together they fight a nightclub full of vampires and El Santo is captured there. Jesus is then lead to a junk yard where the final fight takes place.  Jesus also appears in the hospital morgue where he fight that guy as well. Jesus in the junk yard gets staked by Father Eustace who is also a vampire now, but Jesus pulls the stake out and he has an inner light which reduces vampires to dust. Jesus saves the world from vampires and he heals Mary Magnum and some of the other vampires.

The movie ends with a sermon on the mount where Jesus says don’t follow only the words in the Bible but think for yourself and we should be tolerant of those who are seen in society as deviants or sinners. Roughly love the person but not the sin and use the Bible as a guidebook not a firm set in stone rule book of what is good and what is bad.

The plot may be ridiculous, but the absurdity I think makes the message a bit clearer to see.  If you ever want to have a nice long laugh check out this movie. With all the seriousness of Holy Week it was a good pick to decompress with.

Today is the Fourth Day in the Novena to Divine Mercy, today Jesus say bring to Me those who do not believe in God and those who do not yet know me.


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